Van Helsing

[liadnan]

Having nothing better to do (cancelled party, nothing to hand I feel like reading, no energy to do anything and Saturday night TV is rubbish) I just sat here and watched the DVD of Van Helsing I picked up for a couple of quid in some sale or other. Rather to my surprise, I enjoyed it immensely. Admittedly this was through a haze of painkillers and whisky but surely no one ever thought this was supposed to be taken seriously? It's just a vast mishmash of in-jokes.

My shoulder's no better, and I now have a streaming cold, which makes me sneeze epically (is this a word, and if so, is it spelled like this?) every five minutes or so, thus causing spasms through the shoulder... I hate my life and everybody in it. Apart from the beautiful women obvs, but I have a nasty suspicion they're hallucinations.

Comments

[hangedwoman.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the marketing campaign for Van Helsing (at least the marketing on this side of the pond) set people up to take it seriously. But yes, I'd imagine the painkillers and whiskey help a bit.

No, "epically" is not a word, and in fact seeing it try to be a word is making my head hurt. Go ahead, share the pain. And who cares if they are hallucinations? Doesn't mean you can't enjoy them anyway.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hypatia_/]

I took the kids to see Van Helsing at the cinema and they loved it and laughed at it in equal proportion. I thought it was a hoot, much in your circumstances but minus the whisky. Possibly an oversight on my part. I have no idea if its meant to be taken seriously.

Take megadose Vit C for the cold, Karvol to help you breathe and get a decent night's sleep and some kind of hot cushion/water bottle supporting the shoulder because when you are horizontal the sneezing will wallop your back slightly less than when vertical. Do try not to mix the whiskey with codeine or zydol or both - its a terribly bad habit to get into even for the sake of a nights sleep. Beautiful women are always hallucinations dear, didn't your Mama tell you so? Elderly crones rule ok?

[liadnan]

The whisky seems ot be working better (for the shoulder) than anything else. Which is in itself slightly worrying.

Dreams of fair women are my sole consolation.

[sshi.livejournal.com]

I have just finished watching Blade Trinity because somebody told me there was bows'n'arrows in it. For soem reason, it also has vampire dogs and Dracula inna corset.

[arafel2.livejournal.com]

Er ... male or female Dracula?

erm...

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

does it really matter? Corsets!!! That was the only thing that made watching Underworld bearable and after that, I started believing they can make any film watchable.

Re: erm...

[arafel2.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid it matters from my point of view. Call me shallow if you will. ;-)

(Haven't seen Underworld.)

Re: erm...

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

ah! I'm afraid that when it comes to corsets I have no preference. I'm even shallower, as you can imagine (something about seeing Rocky Horror Picture Show at a tender age and ... erm.. Battle of the Planets even earlier).

Underworld is probably the only film I can imagine that has to be watched after getting totally drunk. After a while not even the corsets could save it. But that's just my opinion...

Re: erm...

[arafel2.livejournal.com]

Battle of the Planets conjures up some strange images. There's Jupiter, he's off to have a go at Saturn now for not returning the lawnmower...

As for films, c'mon, there's a whole range of them. Can you imagine Battlefield Earth if you're sober, for example? :)

Re: erm...

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

LOL - And I thought they were arguing over who gets the most meteors....

Erm - I can, actually. And, you are right. Perhaps if I were drinking when I was trying to watch that, I might have been able to finish it. Thing is, I usually avoid going to the cinema to see such films. I wait for the DVD or for them to be shown on TV. Underworld I went to see in a theatre. Very bad idea!!!
(but Kate Beckinsale's corset-clad bosom had seem so tempting in the trailer...)

[sshi.livejournal.com]

oh, male. inna red corset. with overlapping plated armoured shoulders. pauldrons, I believe.
better than hallucinations, any day :>

oh , dear

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

now I must watch it....

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

"Admittedly this was through a haze of painkillers and whisky but surely no one ever thought this was supposed to be taken seriously? It's just a vast mishmash of in-jokes."

SOunds like Starship Troopers -- for the first half-an-hour, I thought it was one of the worst movies ever made. Then I clued in, and now it's one of my favorites.

[liadnan]

It is a bit. Though Starship Troopers is a much blacker comedy... that moment when you suddenly think. "hang on. Our Heroes are a bunch of fascists..."

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

Van Helsing is delightful!! It really is amazing they managed to pay homage - or rip off (whatever) - from so many films in so little time.

I hope you get better soon. Try taking lots of vitamin C - it helps.

[liadnan]

Oh, I think it's pay homage, to be fair. I'm still unsure if the Hudson Hawk reference is deliberate, that being one of my favourite bad films. (In HH, the beautiful art historian goes to confession which turns out to really be a report to her boss in the Vatican Secret Service, pretty much the same happens in Van Helsing, though unlike her he doesn't then reveal himself to be a nun.) It's the black and white bit at the beginning, and the RentaTransylvanianMob that really got me on side.

oh, definitely

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

some things are certainly an homage - the entire James Bond-esque scene at the Vatican basements (Orthodox priests included) and the Matrix references. But everything? I'm just not sure (either that, or I need to watch the film again *g*)

Was it Hudson Hawk that one or Name of the Rose? I remember thinking it was more NotR at the time, than HH (but, as I said before, my memory isn't very good).

[rparvaaz.livejournal.com]

Try steam for that cold...It has been raining here for the last two days and I keep on hoping that my sneezes would kick off the labour pains...So how many beautiful women are in your life at the moment? :)

[liadnan]

A grand total of none.

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

It's meant to be about as serious as the Mummy - ie, ooh and ah at the daring action bits and giggle insanely at the rest. It's great fun - but it *was* badly advertised in this country.

Fandom_wank refers to Kate Beckinsale as Pouty McCleavage as a result of that film.

well,

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

her cleavage was *very* impressive in that film!! I don't blame them. Though, for me the best part was her Transylvanian accent! lol