Gordon Brown and His Merry Men

[liadnan]

And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from Her Brittanic Majesty's Inspector of Taxes, that all the world, or at least that part of the world liable to pay income tax in the United Kingdom in accordance with ICTA 1988 as amended by FA 2002 and under Schedule D, Cases I and II thereof, should return by 31st January 2005 a true and fair (or in some special cases, receipts-based) statement of their turnover and net income between 6th April 2003 and 5th April 2004 together with a balancing payment for the said year and an estimated payment for half the following year.

And there was much panic in the land, for many of those chargeable under Schedule D Cases I and II are by definition a feckless bunch. And lo, they found they had spent their income when they billed it, and then spent it again when they received it and then spent the bit they'd managed to put in another account when something or other happened, and they couldn't find their receipts, nor could they remember how their bloody capital allowances pool worked or understand the scribbled calculations on the back of an envelope from last year. And there was always sore temptation in the shape of Midsomer Murders on tv on a Sunday evening.

But lo, the day came where the ludicrous antics and murder rate of this Cotswolds metropolis could no longer take them apart from their ordained course. And the days were accomplished wherein the return should be completed (less one week dead), and they brought forth an on-line tax return. And looked at the final figure in fear and loathing, and spake, saying uuurghuuurgh I was afraid of that. remembering the nasty shock they had when they looked at their bank account statement the other day.

And in celebration and mourning, they poured themselves a very large drink. And looked gloomily at the next pile, headed by a notice to fill in a VAT return for the quarter, and spake unto themselves once more saying next time, I'm going to get a bloody accountant.

Comments

[deililly.livejournal.com]

The accountant is money but sounds like it would be waaaay less stress!

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

And then there were those who had their return 95% filled in and knew they had no tax to pay, but had lost their sodding password and are slowly beginning to worry that the taxman will not send them their password in time for the deadline, despite their requesting it nearly a *month* in advance...

[liadnan]

Ahah. That happened to me in the Last Week last year, and it almost all went horribly wrong (had to make the payment before filing the return, got my maths wrong and made an overpayment) so this time I did actually make sure I could log in and panicked a bit at a lovely woman on the phone (in Cardiff?) before remembering my password halfway through the call and having to apologise for being an fool.

[marnameow.livejournal.com]

Don't remind me! I have to get my tax return done (online, and I'm PAYE, so would be really atraightforward if I could just find my P60 and a letter from the tax office and some getting stuff done energy). And stuff, which I will go and whinge about elsewhere.

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh... I thought the parlous state of your bank account was after the tax had been dealt with.

I sense a drought of 'good red wine' in your area in the near future :(

[liadnan]

Well, it was after a glance at the balance and a swift mental calculation of how much the tax was. Now I know.

It isn't better.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hypatia_/]

Did I mention less than five times than skippity skip my taxes are done and no tax fairies? Or was it three thousand other people I mentioned it to casual like, in passing?

I'm a fairly organised person but there are two or three things which drag over me until the last minute every year, taxes being one and I've never yet worked out why I procrastinate so with Her Britannic Majesty. I'd like to blame it on republicanism but..

And I filed my taxes by the way...did I mention that?

It doesn't help to know that the large drink only contributes to the cause.

my taxes are done and no tax fairies?

[liadnan]

Burn the witch! Burn her!

re: Burn the witch! Burn her!

[feetnotes.livejournal.com]

can we celebrate the vernal equinox thus? issue invitations for the bonfire place, just past the end of the path through freeman's wood, on the banks of the lune?
can we, can we, can we?[a]

[a] - brm+driver'll be available by pre-arrangement with me for the local transportation of firewood, food, drinks, sacrificial victims and the odd witch...

[knell.livejournal.com]

Mine are done too! My tax return AND supplementary pages for self-employment went in about 3 months ago. The online service is great. Skippity skip, as you say.

Of course, there's the small matter of the £10,563.07 I have to pay by 31st Jan that hasn't been paid yet. For yea, and lo, and verily, I was also stupid and spent too much over a few leaner months in the summer, and it's only because the gods like me and have sent me a steady 2-days-a-week gig on top of the stuff I usually do that I'm not considering the liadnan option of running away to somewhere nice, although the Channel Islands seem a little too damp for that.

Being in your first year of self-employment means paying the whole year's wallop in one go, generally after you've forgotten that you'd have to pay it at all and have cheerfully spent most of it on geek toys. I was pleasantly happy to discover that from here on in the tax stuff gets easier, requiring only two payments on account per annum and a balancing payment at the end of it - no more nasty five-figure surprises unless I become extremely rich, and given that this year's turnover is likely to only just reach the bottom of the 40% bracket, let alone the VAT registration threshold, that won't be for a while yet.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hypatia_/]

wow - that is the longest gap I've had between comment and response! I'm the boring and irritating person who puts aside tax money all year, my brother may one day forgive me for this. The VAT is actually the part I hate most for some reason.

I'm done for this year which has been fairly straightforward but next year is going to be something of a complicated nightmare due to work wrangles and potential disputes and I could well need bonus tax fairies, lawyers and uncle Tom C. Its one of life's little ironies that this is all a consequence of laws intended to protect my interests! 2006 could prove to be even more 'Interesting' than 2005, which I have to say I'm heartily glad to see the back of.

I'd *love* to run away somewhere nice, sadly I don't think I can at the moment.

[liadnan]

I wouldn't really recommend the channel islands anyway...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hypatia_/]

Somewhere much further away and hotter would be very attractive. Uninhabited could be a plus point at times :^)

[knell.livejournal.com]

Gosh! Nearly a year. I blame the man who woke the posting again by linking to it. Hadn't noticed that.

I was also glad to see the back of 2005, on the whole.

[liadnan]

Well, there weren't actually going to be any tax benefits for the 05-06 year until they persuaded me to stay another two months, and that was never the point. I still have to work out if that's long enough, though I think it is: I may well end up in the position of counting days I can come back to the country before 6th April though.

[spyinthehaus.livejournal.com]

I knew I'd forgotten something...

[susumu.livejournal.com]

My accountant won't return my calls and I'm going on holiday on Friday. I sense an impending apocalypse.

[morgaine-x.livejournal.com]

I think you both need accountants, but I'm not touting for business. Really, I'm not.