Gordon Brown and His Merry Men

And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from Her Brittanic Majesty's Inspector of Taxes, that all the world, or at least that part of the world liable to pay income tax in the United Kingdom in accordance with ICTA 1988 as amended by FA 2002 and under Schedule D, Cases I and II thereof, should return by 31st January 2005 a true and fair (or in some special cases, receipts-based) statement of their turnover and net income between 6th April 2003 and 5th April 2004 together with a balancing payment for the said year and an estimated payment for half the following year.

And there was much panic in the land, for many of those chargeable under Schedule D Cases I and II are by definition a feckless bunch. And lo, they found they had spent their income when they billed it, and then spent it again when they received it and then spent the bit they'd managed to put in another account when something or other happened, and they couldn't find their receipts, nor could they remember how their bloody capital allowances pool worked or understand the scribbled calculations on the back of an envelope from last year. And there was always sore temptation in the shape of Midsomer Murders on tv on a Sunday evening.

But lo, the day came where the ludicrous antics and murder rate of this Cotswolds metropolis could no longer take them apart from their ordained course. And the days were accomplished wherein the return should be completed (less one week dead), and they brought forth an on-line tax return. And looked at the final figure in fear and loathing, and spake, saying uuurghuuurgh I was afraid of that. remembering the nasty shock they had when they looked at their bank account statement the other day.

And in celebration and mourning, they poured themselves a very large drink. And looked gloomily at the next pile, headed by a notice to fill in a VAT return for the quarter, and spake unto themselves once more saying next time, I'm going to get a bloody accountant.