Observations From Two Hours CPD

[liadnan]

Hearing the phrase "going forwards" used twice in five minutes is a sure sign you are in for a couple of hours of the aural equivalent of pervasive stale farts.

For all the criticism of the language of ill-educated or simply rebellious teenagers, the real "danger", if one can really use such a term even in quotes in context, to the English language comes from the verbal flatulence of marketeers, professionals seeking to cover up a lack of real consideration of the problems that arise in their field in a mist of bold-sounding adjectives, and dishonest politicians aiming to confuse rather than illuminate their decisions.

And the wine was rubbish too.

Comments

[eccles.livejournal.com]

Oh come on, get with the programme, it's the new paradigm!

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

I suggest we run it up the flagpole and see how it flies.

I was once informed that I'm "..the catalyst of my own destiny" during an appraisal, by a man with a straight face. He was right though, I quit shortly afterwards.

good,

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

you were being pro-active! :)

(sorry, that's the word I currently hate more than anything - and, sorry for commenting like this)

Re: good,

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

No need to apologise for anything. I also dislike the word pro-active because it implies motivation and effort and other tiring things.

Re: good,

[nikandra.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! :)

Effort - oh, I hate anything that has to do with effort. Even the word sounds tiring.

[gmh.livejournal.com]

That's utterly absurd.

Did you point out that the only thing a catalyst does is to accelerate a reaction?

That it can only affect a reaction that was going to happen anyway?

And that, by analogy, the only thing you could possibly hope to do was speed up the inevitable?

I do dislike people misusing specific scientific terms without the faintest conception of what they actually mean.

(See also 'quantum'...)

[blonde222.livejournal.com]

can you translate, what does CPD mean?

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

I think you have to take a long swim in Lake You.

Sometimes listening to how people say things is more profitable than listening to what they're saying. The vocabulary is usually a fair signpost to where they're coming from, and you can avoid going there.

Sometimes this is the only way to survive the session without gnawing your own arm off.

[liadnan]

See similarly your comment about Charles Clarke's use of the word "nihilist" the other day: that was one of the things in my head when I wrote this.

[liadnan]

Continuing Professional Development, itself a vacuous newspeak term. Barristers, and solicitors, have to be able to certify they've attended a certain amount of hours of seminars etc each year to keep their practising certificate in the UK (other professions have similar requirements) and I assume in most other jurisdictions. Oddly enough, not Jersey I believe, where the fundamental requirement is attendance at the annual Royal Assizes and the swearing of an oath in Norman French, but most Jersey lawyers are solicitors of the English High Court as well.

It has been suggested by certain more bolshy senior members of my profession (to whom the requirement was extended this year) that they learn more about developments in their field by spending less time (and money, yesterday's two hours cost 50 quid, thankfully not to me) than their CPD requirements reading the Law Quarterly Review and the Weekly Law Reports regularly, but this has cut little ice with the Bar Council. Personally I suspect they have a Bad Wine lake acquired in dubious circumstances they need to use up.

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

Did you point out that the only thing a catalyst does is to accelerate a reaction?

I didn't, but fully intend to if I'm ever unfortunate enough to have the phrase directed at me again.

[liadnan]

The whole 2 hours could have been summed up in about two sentences of blindingly obvious principles.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Last week I had a one hour session where an HR consultant showed an audience of IT professionals how to use a website.

"Now if you move this little arrow (which we call the cursor) over these words, they change colour, and if you press down on the mouse button..."

[liadnan]

"It all makes work for the working man to do..."

[blonde222.livejournal.com]

Such as me. I am being paid quite a lot of money to go to a workshop convened by something called the London Centre of Excellence (basically a bunch of central and local govt procurement officials) to stand on my hind legs for 15 minutes to explain what revenues and marging are and then to tell them that Dell's European revenues are growing fast but that its margins are still lower than in the US. I should explain that this will not even be new news to the audience, as I have already been paid quite a lot of money to write it down on paper as well.

I have protested a billion times (with half a mind on my taxes that are paying for this) that this information is blindingly obvious and can be acquired by anyone spending five minutes on the Dell website, but they just keep telling me that I would be surprised by what people don't know.

[liadnan]

Ah well, good luck to you. So long as you don't stop them going to sleep and ensure the wine and nibbles are adequate.